Paul

To quote a part of my November 25, 2010 blog post:

In my generation, we have 13 cousins. At 43, I am the second oldest. The first five of us are very close in age and grew up together.

My 41-year-old cousin Paul, the youngest of us five, has been battling colon and liver cancer for the last six months or so.

In person, via email and via Caring Bridge, he keeps us updated on his condition.

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I am now 45; Paul is now 43. He is still battling color and liver cancer. From what I have heard, but not from him because he doesn't like to discuss it, he is regularly going to MD Anderson as well as getting treatment here in New Orleans.

While his mom - my Aunt Barbara - was going through the final stages of hospice, her four kids watched over her. She was staying at my cousin David's house, but passed while Paul was watching over her. (David and his wife Becki were out of town for the Easter weekend.)

Here is Paul's Caring Bridge update, posted today -  three weeks to the day since his mom died: 

It’s been over two weeks since the death of my mother, and I think that I may now have enough clarity on the event to sit down and write.  I once said of my cancer and the ensuing events, that it brought no epiphanies to my life and its purpose.  I experienced no parting of the clouds with a booming voice of instructions or recurring dream that clearly showed me the way.  I had not expected such events, so the lack thereof brought no disappointment.  What the tragedy of my mother and my cancer ordeal has revealed is that we are all innately prepared to deal with adversity. The choice to use this ability is solely our own. This fact was once again confirmed by my mother spending her last two months of life under the constant loving care of my brother and sister-in-law. Without a moment’s hesitation they took on tasks and duties that 6 months ago they would have flatly denied having the capacity to handle.  It is this capacity that separates us and defines our character.  It seems to be a tailored opinion that we would fail to rise to an adverse situation, but it is my conviction that it is our nature that overrules our conditioning. 

I will say only a few things about the actual passing of my mother and what I have taken from that experience. I guess my most powerful emotion would be how natural death is. The actual moment of her passing felt so right and so peaceful that you could feel nothing but relief. The body is an amazing machine that wants to live and will fight so hard to do so, but there was a defining moment around 2:00 in the morning where her death was imminent and her body just didn’t want to let go. It was when I felt the most pain for her fight. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted her body to let her die and free her of this suffering. Two hours later her struggling calmed and her breathing settled to almost normal. It was a moment I will never forget. The room went from one of torture and anguish to stark silence. She was gone and there was such an emotion of rightness about it all. 

As a families go, I could not be more proud to belong to such a group of people. Aunts, Uncles, cousins and friends all took part in the last two months of my mom’s life. Mom got to see how much she was loved and experienced how she affected so many. We celebrated her life with a crawfish boil and blaring Cajun music. We all cried a little but laughing is so much easier. There are times when I pass by her number on my phone and wish that she would have left a greeting that I could listen too but Mom was not the most technically gifted person in the world, and I’ll just have to settle for the number. I miss the little things most and those are the hardest because they can’t be anticipated. They pop-up on me like a shiver and demand a moment of reflection.  She was the only Mom I will ever have, and I was lucky enough to tell her so.

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During our Memorial Crawfish Boil, many members of our family stood up to speak about Barbara. Here is Paul's contribution...



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Barbara is gone but not forgotten. Let's now work toward that same sentence not be about Paul...

Aunt Barbara

My Aunt Barbara died late last night. Brain Cancer.

A month or so ago, she was moved to my cousin David and his wife Becki's house. David and Becki left for Monroe yesterday afternoon, for a short Easter vacation. My cousin Paul and his wife Sarah took over the vigil over Barbara.

Email at 5:08 am this morning from Paul:
Mom has passed. Thank you to everyone. I'm so proud to belong to this family. I'm just so grateful of how this tragedy was met.

Email at 5:34 am this morning from Paul:
P.S. You may want to think twice before asking Sarah and I to baby-parent sit. Obviously we are not very good at it.

Our family is great a laughing through the tears.

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Posted by my sister Claudia on Facebook last night:

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Let me take all this in and I may post more about it later.

O Death

My friend JoLynn's dad died this week.

Here is how she described his death to me today at the wake:
"He had a stroke a few years ago and has been bedridden since. On Tuesday, he called to Linda [his wife] that he wasn't feeling well, and asked her to sit him up. As she did, they held hands and said the Our Father. He died at 'thy kingdom come...'."

The funeral home was packed: He had seven siblings, and came from a large Italian Catholic family.

He was 68.

Funerals always get me thinking about mortality.

My dad is 77. Although he is very active for his age, his prostate cancer has returned (though he is positive his current treatment will again cure him). I know that one day - hopefully not soon - we will lose him. As JoLynn's dad's mass was going on, my mind was wandering toward which funeral mass I would be attending next. I love my dad. I hope it is not his.

My mind was also wandering toward:
- I don't own a proper wedding/funeral suit. My current one is too small in the waist. I need to give it to Brandon - my only friend who is smaller than I am.
- Who would be the pallbearers in my funeral?
- Who would be the pallbearers in my dad's funeral?


Related Musical Interlude I ...

From (one of the best shows ever!) Supernatural episode "Two Minutes To Midnight": O Death by Jen Titus. ("Embedding Disabled by Request")

Funerals remind me of past funerals. I've been to too many. Tonight, I started to compile a list to post here, but it just felt distasteful while typing "Robert B. - 19 years old, Car Accident, returning from Biloxi while attending an Aerosmith concert, 1988".

This time, instead of posting a list, I think I'll keep these memories close.



Related Musical Interlude II ...

Post Scrips

Here are updates to some of my past posts.

In my post Top 10 Artists: Badfinger, I mentioned my friend Kyle. This past Thursday, he called me. Besides a few brief conversations about four years ago, I hadn't really spoken to him in at least 10 years.

He called to tell me that his step-dad, the one who along with his mom raised him from an early teenager, had died on Monday (June 6th). After further questioning, Kyle told me that he had actually killed himself, one day after his 62nd birthday, apparently distraught about money issues.

I attended the visitation Thursday afternoon.

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In my post List: Top 5 Classic Rock Bands, I discussed Rush in detail. I have seen them live once before, in 1988 in Shreveport. Last night, Amy, Carlos, Debbie, Lloyd, Morgan, Steve, and I saw them live for their Time Machine tour, one of the highlights being that they played their 1980 album Moving Pictures in it's entirety.

Thursday night, the night before the concert, Carlos, Debbie and I watched Rush: R30, 30th Anniversary Concert - all the while blind taste testing Canadian beer, in honor of Rush's home country.

Carlos and I both picked Labat Blue as our least favorite. (Debbie came too late for the taste testing.) He picked Molson Canadian as his favorite; I picked Moosehead as mine. Truthfully, all three really tasted the same.

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In my post Judgment Day, I mentioned in passing my current Favorite TV Show Ever (This Week) Supernatural.

I first discovered the show while the TNT network was running season four. I have now seen all of seasons four, five and one - with the TNT network starting over the showings after season five. The show is currently in its 6th season on the CW network. I am watching the new episodes too. I have a big gap in the middle of the series, having never seen any of season three and only at the beginning of season two via TNT.

As I did with my other Favorite TV Shows Ever (This Week) Criminal Minds and Ninja Warrior, I have printed out a complete episode list and am crossing them off after viewing.

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Postscript to the above postscript:

When Morgan came over Friday night to pick Carlos and I up, I was watching an episode of Supernatural. His reaction was, "Oh, isn't that the show with that guy that used to be on Gilmore Girls." True, but not the connection that I expected from one of my straight friends. I guess Gilmore Girls is just that good of a show. (More on that TV show another day.)

Dead Pool

Remember the 1988 Clint Eastwood movie The Dead Pool? I haven't actually seen it, but I can relate to it. I keep track of celebrities who have died.

Some days when Carlos and I talk after work, I open the conversation with, "Guess who died today." (Carlos, who keeps up with pop culture as much as I do, usually knows the answer.)

I subscribe to the newsletter for the website Who's Alive and Who's Dead - including daily bulletins for very famous people.

I receive the daily and weekly posts from the associated Yahoo Group.

CNN sends me daily bulletins.

All so that I can know information like Jill Clayburgh's death was announced yesterday.


I have never played the game The Dead Pool, but I may play this year. Once I have my list - and after I post it to The Dead Pool - I'll post it here.

Wil Wheaton & Stand By Me

Wil Wheaton's blog is one of the handful I eagerly await a new entry from. Yes, the actor - and now writer. I recommend his 2004 book Just a Geek.

Here's an excerpt from his most recent entry, along with the picture he is referring to.

This photo captures our personalities perfectly: River and Corey are focused and serious (Corey is even wearing a tie and drinking coffee!) I am listening to the same person they are, but I'm not even trying to contain how excited I am to be going on a television show that I had been watching with my Aunt Val since I could remember, in front of the whole country, no less.

My favorite part of this picture, though, is Jerry. It's almost like he caught my mom or dad taking this picture of us, and decided to strike a pose, just to be silly. I just love that he isn't taking the thing too seriously, and that he's just having fun and enjoying the whole thing. As I got older and began to feel like the teen magazine publicity stuff was taking over my life, it stopped being fun, and it started to feel like a chore. I always envied that Jerry seemed to take it all in stride, keep it in perspective, and just have fun with it. I heard him on the Adam Carolla podcast about a week or so ago, and he hadn't changed a bit: still silly, still cracking me up, still keeping everything in perspective.


I've always said that Stand By Me was so successful because Rob cast four young actors who were so much like their characters, but I think it's spooky how the four of us ended up being so much like our characters: River died too young, Corey struggled like crazy to get his personal demons under control, Jerry found success and happiness, and I'm a writer.

You can read his entire blog entry here. It's much longer than what I posted.

Here's a link to the ending of the movie. Scroll over to around the 6:45 minute mark. From there until the end makes me tear up every time.

Top Male Stars of All Time - Part II

I have that neat little device called FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed that lists which web site each hit comes from, which site the person leaves to, and which specific blog page the person initially enters.

My friend Debbie obsesses about that information.

My friend Jason mentioned it in one of his entries, but I can’t find the specific entry right now. (Jason – Link please?)

Invariably, the specific page that draws my visitors (right now, 6 of the current 10 listings) is Top Ten Favorite Male Stars of All Time, usually from a Google image search.

Since that page is so popular, I thought I would revisit it. Then round out my Top Twenty.

Recap of the Top Ten:
1. James Duval
2. Stephane Rideau
3. Ryan Phillippe
4. Tommy Kirk
5. River Phoenix
6. William McNamara
7. Kevin Zegers
8. Ethan Embry
9. Steve Antin
10. Peter Facinelli

The Top Ten List has remained constant over the years. The rest of the list, leading to #20, does change.

Here is my current list, with pictures (click them to see larger) and some information on each person.





#11
Name: James Marsden
Current Age: 35
Where You Probably Know Him From: Cyclops in the X-Men movies
Where I Discovered Him: The 1996-1997 TV show Second Noah
Best Place To See His Body: He has long shirtless scenes in the movies Heights and Sugar & Spice, and the TV show Second Noah. He has never done frontal or rear nudity.
Has He Ever Played Gay?: In the movie The 24th Day and at least one other. (I don’t want to reveal the other movie. I consider it a SPOILER.)
Sexual Orientation: Straight.
Did You Know?: He isn’t known for his singing, but sings (well) in the TV series Ally McBeal, and the movies Hairspray and Enchanted. Although not related to actor Jason Marsden, they are actually good friends and their respective wives have been friends since they were six.





#12
Name: Jim Verraros
Current Age: 26
Where You Probably Know Him From: Season one of American Idol
Where I Discovered Him: American Idol
Best Place To See His Body: Google search (for magazine photo shoots)
Has He Ever Played Gay?: In the movies Eating Out and Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds. He doesn’t show any skin in either one.
Sexual Orientation: Gay. Came out in The Advocate in 2002.
Did You Know?: Both his parents are deaf.


#13
Name: Kal Penn
Current Age: 32
Where You Probably Know Him From: “Kumar” from the three Harold & Kumar movies.
Where I Discovered Him: The movie Van Wilder
Best Place To See His Body: The movies Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (rear nude) and The Namesake (shirtless)
Has He Ever Played Gay?: Not that I can find
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: His real name is Kalpen Modi.






#14
Name: Sal Mineo
Current Age: Killed by a mugger in 1976, age 37.
Where You Probably Know Him From: “Plato” in Rebel Without A Cause
Where I Discovered Him: Krakatoa: East of Java – late night TV when I was a kid
Best Place To See His Body: The movie The Gene Krupa Story (shirtless) and the Harold Stevenson's painting The New Adam (full frontal nude)
Has He Ever Played Gay?: He was smitten with Jim Stark (James Dean) in Rebel. He played opposite Don Johnson in the 1971 gay-themed play Fortune and Men’s Eyes.
Sexual Orientation: Came out in the early 1970’s.
Did You Know?: In 1957, he had a #9 single called “Start Movin’ (In My Direction)”




#15
Name: Ian Somerhalder
Current Age: 30
Where You Probably Know Him From: “Boone” in the TV show Lost
Where I Discovered Him: The very short-lived TV show (8 episodes in 2000) Young Americans – written by my #9 favorite Steve Antin.
Best Place To See His Body: The movies The Rules of Attraction, In Enemy Hands, and Marco Polo (shirtless), and the TV show Tell Me You Love Me (obscured frontal view)
Has He Ever Played Gay?: Yes, in The Rules of Attraction
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: He’s from Covington, LA – right over the Causeway Bridge from my house. No, you probably didn’t – or cared.





#16
Name: Danny Nucci
Current Age: 40
Where You Probably Know Him From: Leonardo Dicaprio’s doomed friend from the movie Titanic
Where I Discovered Him: A 1986 episode of the TV show Growing Pains.
Best Place To See His Body: The movies Sublet (shirtless), Shark In A Bottle (rear nude), and the TV show Some of My Best Friends (shirtless)
Has He Ever Played Gay?: The movie The Unknown Cyclist and maybe other times
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: He was born in Austria, was raised in Italy, and moved to America in 1976.




#17
Name: Rafael Nadal
Current Age: 23
Where You Probably Know Him From: Watching tennis
Where I Discovered Him: The same
Best Place To See His Body: The cover of a magazine, a Google search, or The Tennis Channel
Has He Ever Played Gay?: N/A
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: He is the only male player to have won French Open, Wimbledon, and Olympic gold medal in the same year (2008).






#18
Name: Logan Marshall-Green
Current Age: 32
Where You Probably Know Him From: Played “Trey Atwood” on the TV show The O.C.
Where I Discovered Him: Played “Tyler Fogg” on the short-lived 2007 TV series Traveler
Best Place To See His Body: Short shirtless scene in a movie/TV show that I cannot yet identify
Has He Ever Played Gay?: Not that I know of, though he does more theatre work than movies/TV
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: He has a twin brother named Taylor Marshall-Green.



#19
Name: Andy Roddick
Current Age: 26
Where You Probably Know Him From: Tennis on TV
Where I Discovered Him: A tennis tournament that I was watching in 2000 that he won the day he turned 18. I don’t remember the name of it. I just remember never hearing of him before watching that.
Best Place To See His Body: a Google search
Has He Ever Played Gay?: N/A
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: Roddick hosted Saturday Night Live on November 8, 2003, becoming the second professional tennis player to host (Chris Evert being the first).


#20
Name: Jesse Spencer
Current Age: 30
Where You Probably Know Him From: Plays “Dr. Robert Chase” on the TV show House, though he hasn’t gotten much screen time in the last couple of years.
Where I Discovered Him: In the 2003 movie Swimming Upstream
Best Place To See His Body: That movie – he’s in a Speedo for most of the time.
Has He Ever Played Gay?: No
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Did You Know?: He is fluent in French.





As I mentioned in the original entry, if you enjoy male stars, you really should join my Yahoo group MaleStarsShirtless. And be sure to check out my other blog of the same name.

Jeff Buckley

On Wednesday night's American Idol, Randy said about Adam singing Ring of Fire: "It's really hard to say, man. But I must say that I was one of the ones who loved Adam's Jeff Buckley take on that song. Many people don't know that that is Jeff Buckley's version."

I'm a huge Jeff Buckley fan and didn't think that he ever recorded that song. After looking through my (complete) collection of his songs, I still hadn't found it. Before he died in 1997, he had never recorded that song.

After some research, I found this article:

American Idol Judge Randy Jackson Says Adam Lambert Channeling Jeff Buckley on His Version of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire"?

Scour the internet as much as you like, you will not find the classic song "Ring of Fire" by Jeff Buckley. Although "Ring of Fire" has been done by at least a hundred artists since it was written by June Carter (the future wife of Johnny Cash) and Merle Kilgore, Jeff Buckley did not record a version. This does not mean that Jeff Buckley never sang the song. He just never recorded it.

So why even bring up the subject? Because American Idol judge Randy Jackson brought it up. On the American Idol results show on Wednesday evening, when Ryan Seacrest was down to the last two finalists left to decide which one would join the other two contestants on the chopping block (one would be eliminated from the three), he asked for comments from the American Idol judges about Adam Lambert's rendition of "Ring of Fire" the night before. That's when Randy Jackson mentioned Jeff Buckley in relation to the song.

Although Jeff Buckley never recorded "Ring of Fire," it is easy to understand why Randy Jackson would bring up the name. Randy Jackson is not on American Idol for just his good looks. He's also a hot producer and musician himself. He has a very good ear for music. He prides himself on his ability, which is why he often uses the term "pitch problems" or "pitchy" when referring to a performance.

Randy Jackson was comparing Adam Lambert to Jeff Buckley, at least on a vocal level. Adam Lambert's version of "Ring of Fire" was done the way Jeff Buckley would have done it. And with the same amazing vocal control as well. And perhaps just as haunting. If one were to surf one's way to YouTube and click up "Grace," "Forget Her," Or "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, Randy Jackson's words start to make a lot more sense.

It really is a shame that the world lost Jeff Buckley. He was an amazing talent.

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Here's Jeff Buckley doing his song Grace,the title track from his first album.

Brad Renfro - Rest in Peace

Reminds me of the day I heard about River Phoenix's death. Drugs kill, you dumb kids!