Sunday, August 02, 2009

Not Commander's Palace

Claudia, my younger sister, in town from Atlanta for the week, around 3 pm Friday: "Well, we'll see you when we get back tonight."

Me: "Oh, where are you going?"

Claudia: "Commander's Palace" a really nice, expensive restaurant here in New Orleans "with Christine" my other sister "and Karlie" her girlfriend.

Me: "This is the first I'm hearing about this. How long has this been planned?"

Claudia: "About a week. I wouldn't worry about it. Well, I gotta go."

My cell phone rang 10 minutes later. It was Christine.

Me, looking at the caller ID: "Hey, Christine."

Christine after AT LEAST 5 minutes of small talk: "So I wanted to let you know that Karlie got a gift certificate to Commander's Palace from one of her clients. Jeff" Claudia's husband, also in town this week, along with their three kids "has never been to a really nice restaurant so we wanted to treat them."

Me: "Did Claudia just call you?"

Christine: "Uh, no. Anyway, I've felt guilty all week about not inviting you and Carlos."

Me: "Then why not invite us?"

Christine, avoiding the question: "Well, it's Karlie's gift certificate."

Me: "Do you realize by leaving us out that you have really hurt our feelings? If it were me, this is what I would have said right away: 'Christine, Carlos and I have a gift certificate to Commander's Palace and we would like to take Jeff and Claudia out. We would love to have you join us, and, if it's okay with you, the four of us can split any extra not covered - and give Claudia and Jeff a free night out.' I would never have thought to exclude you."

Christine: "Uh, do you and Carlos want to come with us?"

Me: "Christine, a pity invite is worse than no invite at all."

Christine: "Oh, we'll you'd have to wear and coat, and it's an expensive restaurant and ..."

Me: "I know you're trying to make the situation better, but you're just digging yourself a deeper hole. You should just let it go. I hope the four of you have fun. Seriously. In the future, however, I wish you would think about the feelings of others and how your actions affect others."

Christine: "Pam and Kurt" Karlie's sister and brother-in-law "invited themselves along so there are actually 6 of us going." That means that everyone from our generation except for Carlos and me are going to dinner.

Me: "Christine, you really should stop trying to make this situation better."

Knowing that she would repeat this conversation to Karlie, she and I laughed that Karlie "is dead inside" and "wouldn't really think any of this is important". Then we hung up on that positive note.

I can't really fault Karlie. She has a brain for business, not interpersonal relationships. (On the decision making function of the Myers-Briggs test - basically if thinking or feeling determines your decisions, she always scores very, very high toward thinking. Carlos and I usually score toward feeling.)

You can read more about the test here.

All of us, plus our parents, plus Claudia/Jeff's three kids (ages 4, 3, and 4 months) hung out at my house Saturday night. Friday night was not brought up - or alluded to - AT ALL. I was hoping at least Karlie or Christine would apologize. My guess is that since Christine follows Karlie, and Karlie probably laughed off our feelings for the event, Christine followed Karlie's lead.

This afternoon, I sent an email to Karlie:

Friday afternoon, Claudia and then later Christine mentioned to Carlos and me that the six of you (including Pam and Kurt) were going to Commander's Palace Friday night. Christine told me about your gift certificate and wanting to treat Jeff to a fancy restaurant because he had never been before. Because Carlos and I were the one couple in our generation excluded, we really felt left out. Especially when Christine told me that she "felt bad about it all week and was hoping we wouldn't find out".

I am sure that was not your intention, but I do wish you would have said something early in the week - or even Saturday evening - to Carlos and me about this. Even just to explain why you wouldn't be able to invite us. We would never had excluded you from anything like that that we would plan. And we never will.

I have said my piece - and made my peace - with the situation. I do not expect any reply from you. I just wanted you to know how I felt.

I really am now going to let it go. And I really do not expect a reply from her.


jason said...

Wow...I'm amazed at how you're able to let things go like that.
I mean that...sincerely

I'm getting a bit better...but boy that would really really have bothered me to no end.

Heck, it's bothering me even now, and I have no vested interest in it at all :)

Silly Monkey said...

I'm hearing you (Marshall) in my head now, saying, "Let it go, Baby." I've heard it said to Carlos so often. :)

Yeah, that really sucks what they did. I'm sorry that happened. :(