Figure

I guess it depends on the orientation. See what I did there?

Jesus

Video: "I Gave My Kids A Terrible Present"

I have never actually seen Jimmy Kimmel Live, but after the "I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy" video and this new one below - "I Gave My Kids A Terrible Present", I think I may have to start watching.

Video: "I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy"

From Jimmy Kimmel Live on November 2...



So mean. So funny!

A Guide To Safe Social Media

For my friends who spent too much time updating everyone on their status. You know who you are.

Take A Sheet Ad Campaign

From AdFreak, one of my daily blog stops...


Worst Ad Campaign of the Year? Sheets Energy Strips

This campaign for Sheets Energy Strips has to be the low point of 2011 advertising so far. This is a product you put in your mouth, yet it's being marketed with headlines that reference defecation. It's one thing to do a silly coupon—it's another to build a brand around this kind of thing. Pitbull (above) and LeBron James are among the company's celebrity endorsers (James is actually a co-founder of the company), but that won't do much to help its reputation—it'll just bring theirs down.

Here's a link to the original article.

Comedian Lisa Lampanelli versus the Westboro Baptist Church

"We're here. We're queer. We take it in the rear!" -- that's the chant comedian Lisa Lampanelli started in Topeka, KS when she promised to donate $1,000 for every Westboro Church protester that picketed her show. Forty four protesters showed up. $44,000 of Lisa's dough went to the Gay Men's Health Crisis.



Taken from one of my daily reads, Joe My God

Awesome Things Video

One of the blogs I regularly read is 1000 Awesome Things.

We can all use some positive thoughts in our life. Here is the accompanying video by the blog's author. Description from the site: Neil Pasricha's blog 1000 Awesome Things savors life's simple pleasures, from free refills to clean sheets. In this heartfelt talk from TEDxToronto, he reveals the 3 secrets (all starting with A) to leading a life that's truly awesome.

Makes Sense To Me

TV Show: Extreme Couponing

This past weekend, TLC had a marathon of their newer show Extreme Couponing.

Basically, puffy-haired women and a few obviously-gay-but-married-anyway men spend up to "35 hours per week" (!) clipping, organizing, and obsessing over coupons. Then, they head to the grocery to buy truck loads of crap they don't need but "stockpile" anyway because they're getting a great deal. You do not need 100 bottles of hand lotion. Ever.

"I bought $1000 worth" of stuff I don't need "for $12".


I was buying into the concept until I saw three of my pet peeves in one episode:

1) The word is pronounced "coupon" not "Qpon".

2) Fifty cents is written 50¢. If you write .50¢, you are saying 1/2 of a penny.

3) Your coupon books did not come "from God just in time to save [your] home". They came in the mail. Your mailman is not God. God is busy smiting people. He has no time for your petty hobby.


I can no longer watch this show.

The Red Menace

Here’s an interesting email exchange I had at work yesterday between our Accounting Tech (the one who pays the bills for our office, but is physically located in another building) and me.

I responded to her a detailed email, highlighting some key points in red. Her response to that email starts below.

ACCOUNTING TECH: I’ve printed these communications for the files but in the future, please use another color for hi-lights. The color RED used in business dealings is insulting. That’s why black and blue ink are the standard choices for written and oral communication. I guess my hi-lights looked red - thought I was using a burgundy………. I’ll refrain from using that one in the future.

[Then before I had a chance to reply to her…]

ACCOUNTING TECH: I’m laughing at myself--- we don’t speak in colors. My bad……………… Sometimes we refer to humans by color which is not cool anyway.

ME: Insulting? That’s the first I’ve heard that. Where do you get that information? We use red all the time – for emphasis, to pull it out from other items in an email. (I just did a Google search for that information, but didn’t come up with anything except that “red shouldn’t be used on a business card in Madagascar”.) And I’ve already heard to never use blue in written communication (that is, on a piece of paper) because it doesn’t copy well. I guess it all depends on the background we come from. I guess everyone has his/her communication preferences.

ACCOUNTING TECH: I was taught that on another job. In the Admin office we don’t use “RED” for that reason. Oh well. Have a great afternoon.

ME: That's cool. No red to you. Got it.

The Final Countdown

see more Funny Graphs

Email Exchange

Over the years, I have given my 74-year-old dad computer lessons. Some things are just outside of his grasp - like using the Shift key. Here is an email exchange today about an upcoming event.

Me: Do we have anything planned yet for Christmas morning – for the family gift exchange? I offer to host. We can meet around 10 am at my house for coffee, donuts, grits and grillades (mom’s recipe), and/or hot chocolate. What do you think?

My Sister Christine: Assuming that it works for Karlie, which I think it does, I think it sounds nice. We have “Christmas with the [in laws]” this year, but I don’t it will start until the afternoon. Thanks for offering to host. I love the holidays!!!

Me: And I have two Snuggies ready for anyone who wants to use them! (Karlie can bring hers too.)

My Dad: WE WILL BE IN ATTENDENCE DAD

Me: Sounds good. Remember: In email, ALL CAPS means that you are YELLING at someone. You really should practice with the Shift key.

My Dad: THANKS

Me: Oh the irony…

Thanksgiving

In my generation, we have 13 cousins. At 43, I am the second oldest. The first five of us are very close in age and grew up together.

My 41-year-old cousin Paul, the youngest of us five, has been battling colon and liver cancer for the last six months or so.

In person, via email and via Caring Bridge, he keeps us updated on his condition. Since today is Thanksgiving, I wanted to share with you his most recent communication. You’ll see that he is quite a good writer – and tries to keep his humor about the situation.

All right…all right, I’m back in the game. Today was the big pow wow with Dr. Griffin, and the unknowns are now known and on the books.

To back-up a bit and get you on the right page, I had a CT scan last Tuesday, because they hadn’t taken a look at my toenail on my left pinky toe. Well we got it, and now they can digitally recreate every pore in my body. The CT came back favorably, and we are now describing the size of the liver lesions in mm rather than cm.

As usual, the colon doctor didn’t trust the tested and proven CT to determine his prognosis, and I’m sore again. The really good news is that I’m scheduled for surgery on December 10 at Tulane Hospital. I am first in line for the day, which, like flying, is where you want to be. Funny, the similarities these days between flying and colorectal cancer.

Anyway, the colon surgeon should go first and re-connect my plumbing and then the liver surgeon. Sad to say, but we really don’t know what his plan is for the liver. I guess I’ll wake up with a surprise. Regardless, I’m very excited about making progress toward the end of the surgeries and getting to the next stage, whatever that is.

I will be in the hospital for 2 days, which would mean I will be out by Sunday if all goes well. Both procedures are laparoscopic this time, so recovery should be nothing like the first surgery. I assume that I will have more scans after the surgery and take those results to the Medical Oncologist to see what’s behind the next curtain. As I have stated before--through gnashed teeth--I want the second chemo regimen. I want to go through this just one time, and I will do what I need to do to achieve that goal.

All is well on the home front. We are heading to Shreveport tomorrow evening to spend Thanksgiving with Sarah’s family. I am looking forward to getting out of town for a few days and relaxing. I genuinely feel good and have had no other major incidents with my special friend [his colostomy bag]; however, I will be burning the bulk of my clothes once this is over. Oh, and after the surgery I’ll have some fancy balloons available for any birthday party or bar mitzvah. I have been itching to start jogging again but have learned from a reliable source that sweat and the adhesive on my apparatus do not work well together. Jogging can wait.

I hope you are all doing exactly what you want to do this Thanksgiving. In my family, all Thanksgiving attendees must write on a little piece of paper what they are thankful for and place it in a basket. After we dine the contents of the basket are read aloud and everyone tries to guess who submitted the entry. It’s funny, touching, sometimes sad, but always meaningful. I will not be there this year, so here’s what I’m thankful for: I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful that my body has reacted so well to treatment. I am thankful that I have such wonderful people around me who support and love me. I am thankful for doctors who have torn me up and are putting me back together. I am thankful for the quiet strength that I receive from my wife and children. I am thankful for being treated normally and not like I’m a piece of thin blown glass. I am thankful for the opportunity to kick this thing in the ass, turn around, and attack the rest of my life.

I printed out Paul’s Thankful For submission and slipped it into this year’s basket. We all had a good cry.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

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Some Thanksgiving quotes:


If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.
- Frank A. Clark

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.
- W.J. Cameron

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
- Irv Kupcinet

There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.
- O. Henry

On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.
- William Jennings Bryan

Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.
- Michael Dresser

Forever on Thanksgiving Day
The heart will find the pathway home.
- Wilbur D. Nesbit

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.
- Cicero

And though I ebb in worth, I'll flow in thanks.
- John Taylor

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.
- Aesop

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?"
- William A. Ward

Tea Baggers

A friend emailed me this, though he still calls them Tea Partiers, whereas I call them Tea Baggers.

Did you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”?

And that “eat” is the only word that, if you take the first letter and move it to the last, spells its own past tense, “ate”?

And if you rearrange the letters in “Tea Party Republicans,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Shut the fuck up you free-loading, progress-blocking, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, violent hypocrites, and deal with the fact that you nearly wrecked the country under Bush and that our president is black, so try and get over it.”

Isn’t that interesting?

Sign Near Books

From one of my daily reads STFU Conservatives...

BPM

Whenever I make mixed CD's, I am cognizant of the BPM (beats per minute) of each song - and how each fits together. For years, I have been using my own tapping combined with a metronome.

Gotta love the internet: Today, I found a site dedicated to what I have been sweating over for years.

Now, when I want to make a 160+ BPM CD, I will easily know that this song...



and this song...



can be linked.

The Passion of the Clueless

Courtesy of this site.

More Sesame Street

Following up on this post and this post, Sesame Street is again dipping into the world of pop culture, parodying a show that no 3 year old would ever be able to watch.

Their skit...


The opening theme to the original...

Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon Perform the History of Rap

This article is taken from here.

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Justin Timberlake just chalked up another awesome TV appearance when he pulled off a history of hip-hop medley with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday night. The duo rocked every rap hit from The Sugar Hill Gang to Jay-Z, starting off in the 80s and working their way up to current tracks.

Timberlake pretty much rocks it every time he appears on TV -- consider D*ck in a Box and J*** in My Pants -- and this performance on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" is no exception. The only surprising bit is that Fallon pulls off the raps pretty well, and that both of them do spot-on impressions of their favorite rappers. It also doesn't hurt that Fallon's backing band is legendary hip-hop outfit The Roots. The whole thing feels like a classy rap edition of Evolution of Dance.

My personal favorite moment: Fallon and Timberlake doing the Soulja Boy dance.



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I wish I stayed up late enough more often to see Jimmy Fallon.